Blessings in all forms...

I bawled on my drive home from work today... 

Try as I might to fight it, the tears came, for so many reasons.  Tears of happiness, as I felt so amazingly blessed and humbled by the love I received from both friends and strangers today.  Tears of sorrow and frustration at the sinking realization that my aches and other symptoms today were more than just  random deja vu.  Nevertheless, tears.  It's awful.  The older I get, the more emotional I become.  Seriously, I do not recall signing up for this gig.

Today I worked a 10 hour shift in the ER.  I have always had the ER in my blood, but more so now that I am "sick".  I used to stress easily, tire quickly, think the grass was greener every where I looked.  But it took this illness to make me realize that, as tough as the job may be, I truly, in my heart of hearts, love ER nursing.  And I hope my patients can tell.  I certainly try to let them know that.

Today was a good day at work.  It started with me being very short of breath.  And oh yeah - the headache was there.  And the ear pain.  And, oh wait.... Oh crap.  This is the same exact way this all started back in December.  The same way it all went down before all the really bad stuff happened.  Sigh.  Here we go again.  I put on my best face for the day and smiled - I hate for people to know when I'm feeling bad.  And besides for the feeling awful part, it really was a good day at work.  I prayed with my patients.  I cried with them and their families.  We laughed and joked and held hands.  We wished each other well.  I listened to them and their stress and frustrations.  I let them know that someone (me) cared about them, their family, their stress, and their pain.  They let me know that they cared about me too.  It wasn't necessary, as I already felt blessed just to touch lives.  But it was nice.  Coworkers came to ask about how things were going.  We hugged, laughed, prayed, and planned for the fun times when I return.  Yeah, when.  I like that.

Today was definitely a good day at work.

And when I got home, a birthday celebration for Miss Rita, the first dog Duane and I bought together.  Today she is 7.  Our baby is growing up.  A chorus of singing, lots of birthday treats, playtime with her new sister.  Most importantly, one on one time with mom.  Kissing, hugging, talking, loving.  Reassuring her she is and always will be my baby.  Perfect birthday celebration.

And now we are all heaped in the bed, snuggled and warm.  It's as if nothing else in the world matters.  My heart is smiling.  My soul is happy.  If only this moment could last forever...